Your love is not a bargaining chip.

So stop trying to turn your relationship into one. — Who would you say is the best cover band, ever? I’d say arguably the Beatles circa 1963. But of course we wouldn’t still be talking about them today if that’s all they did. Regardless of your musical taste, your favorite band / musician / singer is instantly recognizable—they have a…

…not the kind that seeks to get one’s needs met. — The fucked up truth is that it is possible to love someone to a place of healing. It absolutely is. Love is maybe the most healing force that exists. But it’s incompatible with loving “so that maybe then they will meet my needs.” And that gap—the chasm between these two…

Here’s what makes a long-term relationship “worth it.” — Here’s a question. Is your relationship worth it? I can’t give you the answer, or even a formula that could tell you. But I can help you understand the math your heart is already doing on the topic, why it’s coming up with the results it is, and what would…

Not the other way around. — I see people who don’t know themselves well enough to make any credible promises about who they’ll be or what they’ll want ten or even five years from now… who are desperate for some kind of guarantee or lifelong commitment from their partner in order to feel safe enough to open more fully in their relationship…

Someone asked, “How does healing your own inner masculine attract healthy men into your life?” — This inquiry appeared in my feed recently: “Dear healers, coaches and personal development folks, Can someone explain to me EXACTLY how healing your own inner masculine attracts healthy men into your life? No fluff. No bs. No woo. Just an explanation in real laymen terms. I want to call bs…

Here’s the best way to be honest about your level of enthusiasm. — “Is this something you want to be doing? I mean, are you actually enjoying this, or are you just being nice to me right now?” How how do you respond to this? Do you put on a fake smile and say, “I’m loving it!”? Do you say, “To be honest…

So you’d like to try relaxing your monogamy boundaries with each other. What ground rules should you have in place? — Here is a question that is fundamental to committed intimate coupledom in general: how do I give my partner freedom while protecting the relationship and my own feelings? If your relationship is solid, you both feel secure, and value each other’s freedom and happiness, it’s conceivable that this question can…

If you’re thinking something like “easygoing,” or “chill”… think again. — I don’t remember how we got on the topic of “high maintenance” people. But it prompted my wife Ana to ask me, “Am I high maintenance?” I thought about it for a bit and said, “Yes, but you make it fun. It never feels like a chore.” I realized later…